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Bird Report #1

Red-Eyed Lesser Brown Breasted Tit Hawk 

This aggressive swamp-swooping species lets its presence be known with a sticado screech. Although rare, groups of four Tit Hawks have been observed taking on a barber-shop quartet routine. One lucky birder even reported a full performance of Mr. Sandman, although it was not documented and therefore is myth. 

Peter’s Pee’d Pants Robin 

Not a particularly proud species, Peter’s PP Robin tends to roost in small numbers. Its rather unfortunate naming convention stemmed from it’s yellow-below-the-waist appearance. The nether region brightens to an extra saturated yellow during mating season to let mates know they’re feeling frisky. 

Western Plump-Breasted Judging Jay

This judgemental jay has a unique skillset: passing judgment on those who enter its gaze. The aforementioned PP Robin is commonly scoffed at for its embarrassing scenario, but it’s not only birds that get scrutinized. Researchers attempting to view the WPBJJ have described a feeling of insecurity upon locking eye-contact, and have even gone on to switch majors and entire career paths after such encounters. 

White-Bellied Common Bitch Bird 

This unremarkable species draws little interest from the birding world due to its basic-bitch nature. Spending most of its life sitting on branches and achieving nothing of note, its somewhat worthless existence is echoed by the declining population numbers. Its extinction will most likely go unnoticed by birders, as they bring nothing to the table in terms of bird appeal. Tragic really.